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Jacqueline C. Thomas - Romance Novelist

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McKinley Park Chapter 21

August 12, 2019 by jackiecthomas 2 Comments

Rachel fell asleep, snuggled up in Ben’s arms. Her eyes burnt from crying and she had intended only to close them for a moment, but slipped into slumber. She slept deeply, feeling like a massive weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She felt safe in Ben’s arms. He held her happily as he listened to her, breathing softly. He didn’t want to let her go. The early afternoon sun beamed into the bedroom, warming the room with its slopped Cape Cod-style ceilings.

Ben nodded off himself and woke to the noise of his phone, buzzing in his pocket. He tried to fish his phone out of his pocket without waking Rachel. He managed to grab it and answer it just before it went to voicemail.

“Hello,” Ben answered softly, not to wake Rachel.

“We got em. We got that son of a bitch. Smug fucking asshole thought we wouldn’t get him. I called Callie Carlson and asked her to come down to be here to I.D. him, its a match. Serena is on her way to ID, and we have a warrant for DNA. His lawyer is on his way. Man, you should have seen the look on Rhett Lawson’s face when we barged into his office. Derek was sitting in Rhett’s office. I thought Rhett was going to shit himself. One of the guys has got to have bodycam footage of it.”

“That is great news. Thanks for keeping me in the loop.”

“Hey, how’s Rachel?”

“Sleeping right now.”

“I don’t want to pry but can you connect the dots for me?”

“I can’t really right now, and not without her permission, but eventually, I hope so.”

“It didn’t happen recently, did it?”

“No, a while ago.”

Rachel stirred from her slumber at the sound of Ben’s voice. She looked up at him, only half awake, and then buried her head back in the crook of his shoulder.

“Well, I will keep you in the loop. I know what you have going on there is really important, but you should try to make the press conference if this is for sure our guy. We should know in a few hours.”

“I’ll have to let you know.”

“Ben, this is the collar of our careers. We’ve been looking for this animal for months now.”

“I’ll try.”

Ben hung up his phone. As much as he wanted to be there, to finally celebrate in catching the man, he wanted to be with Rachel more. He knew six months ago, nothing would have kept him from hauling the criminal in, himself, but Rachel had changed all of that. He reached down and stroked her hair as she rolled over. Ben pulled the blanket up over and snuggled up next to her, careful not to press his body too hard into hers. Awkwardly, he put his arm on his side; he didn’t want to make Rachel uncomfortable by holding her, he wanted her to rest. She reached out and grabbed his arm and pulled it around her.

“No more.” She murmured.

They slept for most of the afternoon cuddled up together. Ben’s phone rang again, and he rolled over to answer it looking at the time on the screen, it was 2 pm.

“It’s for sure him! The DNA matches, we got him, Ben!”

Ben exhaled louder than he had intended.

“Thank God. What’s the D.A. thinking? Any word from him yet?”

“I think he’s going to go for the max, life without parole.”

“Good. That monster should never be on the street.”

“Agreed. Hey, the Chief is calling a press conference at 4. You really should be here. He wants you here when he makes the statement.”

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do.”

“He wasn’t asking, neither am I. I know Rachel is important, but this is too. We’ve worked hard for this.”

Rachel rolled over, having overheard the conversation. She reached out for the phone, grabbing it gently.

“Hi Marty, he’ll be there. He isn’t going to miss this. I won’t let him. So you really got him, Derek, I mean?”

“Yes, he will never be a free man again.”

Rachel handed Ben back the phone, unsure of what to respond. Ben finished his call and hung up the phone, setting it on the nightstand. Rachel snuggled back up to him.

“Do you remember the first morning you accidentally stayed? You said to me, waking up next to me was your most favorite thing on Earth, well I think this is mine. Just laying next to you in bed.”

Ben smelled and leaned down and kissed her.

Two hours later the Chief announced in front of all of the Chicago press that The South Side Strangler had been caught. Rachel declined to come, knowing it would be too much for her. Ben stood proudly next to Marty, as they were both commended for their work. Ben was grateful when to step out of the glare of the bright lights for the t.v. cameras. He wanted to get back to Rachel.

On his way back to his desk, he walked past the cell that held Derek. He locked eyes with the man he had been hunting, seeing Derek’s carnage and brutality.  Marty patted Ben on the shoulder as they kept walking past. Before Ben stepped into their office, he turned back around; he wanted to look at Derek.

“Hey man, don’t rip him limb to limb,” Marty said cautiously.

“I just want another look at him.”

“Yeah me too, with Calle’s pipe wrench in my hand.”

Ben walked back into the room where Derek sat in his own cell, still in his collared shirt. His tie and belt had been taken.  Derek did not look like a serial rapist and killer. He was clean-shaven, with deep brown eyes and sharp jawline. He was handsome, not the sort of man who was pure evil incarnate. Ben starred through the bars; he couldn’t help himself.

“What?” Derek asked.

Ben stayed quiet.

“What are you looking at, man?” Derek asked again.

Ben looked at Derek’s hand; his left hand had a scar on the ring finger in the shape of an oval. The back of Rachel’s legs flashed through his mind. Ben grabbed ahold of the building rage inside of himself.

“Whatever, man.” Derek turned away.

Ben walked back to his office and sat, although he hadn’t said anything to Derek, he had wanted to say so much, not just for Rachel but for all of the women Derek had hurt. Ben knew that there were no words to make that kind of hurt right, nor was it his place to try. Marty popped his head back into their office.

“Guess who’s here to try to post bail?”

“Don’t’ tell me, Rhett?”

“No, it’s his dad.”

“Andrew Lawson?”

“Yeah, he’s pissed. He’d better watch it, or he’ll end up in the cell right next to Derek.”

Ben stood up and walked out over to the counter where Andrew stood red in the face.

“Is this you? Did you do this?” Andrew asked Ben.

“No, Mr. Lawson. Derek did this to himself. I am not the district attorney. There is no way Derek will ever walk free again.”

“We’ll see about that. I take care of my own.”

“Like you took care of Rachel? You and your creep of a son. You two belong in there with him.”

“What did you just say to me?”

“You heard me. You are all fucking animals.”

Ben walked away and back towards Derek’s cell. It was empty. Panic stabbed through Ben as he jogged to the interrogation room. Relieved, he saw the district attorney, along with Derek’s attorney in the room. Marty walked up and looked into the room through the two-way mirror. Marty switched on the audio so they could hear the exchange.

“Full cooperation and we won’t seek the death penalty. Life in prison without parole, that’s our offer.” The district attorney said as he slid the paperwork across the table towards the attorney.

“How long is to offer good for?”

“Until 9 am. Tomorrow morning.”

“We’ll discuss it. Thank you, Ken.”

The D.A. stood up and walked out of the room. He saw Ben and Marty standing outside watching.

“Good work, guys.”

The D.A. walked away as Derek’s attorney came out of the room looking for him.

“Hey Ken, wait. I want to talk to you for a second.” Derek’s lawyer said as he caught up.

Ben walked into the room, not quite sure why. There was something to be said, but he wasn’t sure what, and he wasn’t sure if he could say it without doing bodily harm to Derek.

“Why?” Ben asked rhetorically, knowing that Derek probably didn’t know the answer himself.

“What?”

“Why?” Ben repeated.

“Because I could. Because they belonged to me.”

“Belonged to you? People don’t own people.”

“Oh but they do, Mr. Carter, I am guessing. Am I right, you are Ben Carter, the guy who’s banging Rhett’s ex. My hat’s off to you sir, that is one fine piece of ass, or at least it was until I got to her. Like my handy work? She’s mine, always will be. I branded her. Rhett’s the only reason she is not face down in the canal like the trash that she is.”

Ben could feel his insides shaking with rage.

“I may not be ever able to see her again, but she will see me every time she closes her eyes.  She will think of me every day. I own her. She can never be yours, not fully.”

“ That’s where you are wrong, she will stop thinking of you every day, over time. Sure, you will never fade away completely, but you will fade. You don’t control her life, not anymore.”

“You don’t get it; she belongs to me, they all did. They were mine to do as I wished. Rachel was my first. Do you know what it is like to have free will over another human being like that? Mmmmmm…. Turns me on just thinking about it.”

Ben turned to walk out.

“Thinking of Rachel’s face twisted in pain, so beautiful. Her pleading for me to stop, willing to do anything for me, to please me. I’ve done things to her you could only dream of.”

Ben turned around and lept across the table, taking Derek down to the floor. He hit him as many times as he could in the face before Marty got to Ben and pulled him off.

Derek sat up and spat blood on the floor as he began to laugh.

“See, felt good, didn’t it?”

“Come on man; this asshole is going to get to know what getting rapped every day is like, where he’s going. A pretty boy like that…” Marty said, trying to calm Ben.

Meanwhile, two officers that had followed Marty in,  had hauled Derek up to his feet to take him back to his cell. The chief walked in, seeing Ben’s hand dripping blood from his knuckles.

“Everyone out, Carter, you stay.”

The room cleared out and the door shut, leaving only the chief and Ben in the interrogation room.

“Feel better?” The chief asked.

“Not really. Sorry, I know better.”

“Marty says, that animal hurt your girl. Is that true?”

“Yes. I know I shouldn’t have…”

The chief raised his hand, and Ben stopped mid-sentence.

“Law and order only work if we all stick by a strict code of ethics and strive to uphold them. As much as we would love to take justice into our own hands, we don’t. I know I don’t have to tell you this. I also know that if that animal had hurt my Debra, I would have done the same thing or worse. Good job, not knocking any teeth out, I don’t want to have to explain it to the judge.

Ben, you know I have to ask, what happened that you put the pieces together? We have been searching for this guy for months, then one morning you call and give his name?”

“He branded her, Rachel. I didn’t see it until this morning. I mean, she had not shown me.”

The chief’s face looked distressed.

“I’m sorry, Ben. It must have taken a lot for her to show you.”

“It did.”

“Is she okay, or is she going to be okay?”

“In time, I hope so.”

“This didn’t happen recently, did it?”

“No, a few years back.”

“Well I understand if she doesn’t want to, but her testimony and physical evidence will only help the case if she’s willing.”

“I don’t think she’ll want to do that, but I’ll mention it to her.”

“In the meantime, why don’t you take a few days off, take her somewhere. His face is going to be everywhere, and that will be difficult for her.”

“Good idea.”

“Thanks for not knocking that asshole’s teeth out, saved me a shit ton of paperwork.”

Filed Under: McKinley Park Tagged With: McKinley Park, Romance

McKinley Park Chapter 20

August 1, 2019 by jackiecthomas 1 Comment

Rachel’s boys loved that Ben dropped them off for school. They were especially excited at the prospect of riding in his unmarked squad car. Their excitement was quickly dashed, when Ben told them Marty had his car and they’d be going in Rachel’s van. On the ride home, he called Marty, who was less than thrilled about Ben’s absence for the day but understood the magnitude of what was happening. Ben pulled into the driveway, promising himself that he and Rachel would be car shopping before the end of the week. He wanted to drive that van, off a cliff.

He walked into the house and found Rachel sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. There was a box of tissues on the table, her eyes puffy and red from crying.  Ben came and sat down next to her. He pulled her closer to him, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

“The boys are safely deposited at school. What do you say, we go back upstairs and get some rest? Do you think you could sleep for a bit?”

“Ben, I have to show you something.” She looked him in the eye as she said it.

“Okay.” He said nervously.

She stood up and walked around to the other side of him where there was more room in the small kitchen. She turned her back to him and let her robe drop to the floor. She reached behind her and slowly pulled up her nightgown. Ben thought he was going to vomit; he had seen those marks before. There had to be at least a dozen burnt-in brands on the back of her upper thighs and butt. Rachel held her nightgown up but said nothing. They were the same brands on all of the victims of the South Side Strangler.

“Rachel,” he tried to say as calmly as he could, “you have to tell me where got those burns?”

Ben stood up and slowly walked around to face Rachel.

“Derrik Hall, he’s the friend of Rhett’s that I was talking about last night. He is the devil, Ben. He did this, Rhett sat there and watched him do this.” Rachel sobbed. “This is why I don’t like to have the lights on; I didn’t want anyone to know.”

Ben wrapped his arms tightly around her as she slowly moved to the kitchen floor. She was so upset she couldn’t stand. He helped her down as she sat on the floor and cried. Ben knew Derrik Hall had to be the name of the perp. He needed to know more, but Rachel was so fragile. He held her and stayed quiet as long as he could.

“Rachel, honey, what does Derrik look like?”

“What? Why do you want to know what he looks like? How that important in any way?”

“I have seen that brand before. Rachel, what does he look like? Honey, this is important.”

“He works with Rhett. He is our age. Maybe a little over six feet tall, white, thin.”

“What color is his hair?”

“It is dark blonde.”

Ben thought he was going to vomit again. He stood up and pulled out his phone. As it rang, Rachel stood, alarmed.

“Ben, no, you promised, you can’t tell anyone! No please.”

Ben pulled the phone away from his ear.

“Rachel, the man that has been leaving dead women all of over the city has been branding them with the same brand in the same spot. I would know it anywhere.”

The phone continued to ring. Ben put it on speakerphone as he searched through his photos for the artist rendering of the suspect.

“Is this him?”

Ben knew by the look on her face that it was. The call went to voicemail.

“Ben I don’t want to be involved in this, I don’t want my boys to know. Please.”

Ben redialed Marty’s cell. It rang two times before he picked up.

“Hey man, I’m in the evidence locker, can I call you right back?”

“The guy’s name is Derrik Hall. He works with Rhett Lawson.”

“What? What guy?”

“The guy, our guy!”

“Wait, how do you know this? It is a long story. I have a positive i.d. from one of his victims.”

“Who are you interview…” Marty stopped mid-sentence. “Rachel?”

“Yes.”

“Holy shit! We got him! Are you coming in for the collar?”

“No, I need to be here. Call me when you have him.”

Rachel got up and walked out of the room as Ben finished his conversation as quickly as he could.  Marty would keep him informed of any updates. He climbed the stairs, knowing Rachel was in bad shape. He walked into the bedroom and saw her curled up on the bed.  She looked so small and fragile in the bed by herself; it broke his heart. Ben walked around the bed and knelt down beside her.

“Rachel, honey. I am sorry I had to call it in. I know how hard this was for you. You have saved a lot of lives this morning and gave justice to others that weren’t so lucky. Can you tell me how and when this happened? Please, it is really important.”

Ben noticed she had begun to tremble from the adrenaline of reliving the trauma. He stroked the side of her face.

“Honey, look at me, you are safe. I promise nothing will hurt you anymore. I think you are the strongest woman I have ever met.”

“Will you lay next to me?”

Ben kissed her cheek and came around and got in bed next to her. He thought she would roll over, but she didn’t.

“I want you to hold me from behind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I don’t want that to be taken away from me anymore. This has taken away enough in my life.”

Ben scooted up behind her but didn’t press his body against hers; he wanted his touch to be gentle. He draped his arm over her but did not hold her tightly. He felt her body tense.

“I love you and am so incredibly proud of you.” He said softly.

She laid like that as long as her body would allow until she rolled over to face him. She took a deep breath.

“I am going to try to tell you the whole story. I am not sure if I can, I’ve never told anyone all of it.” She reached for Ben’s hand, and he grabbed it gently.

“After the first time with Derrik, I wanted to leave Rhett. I didn’t know what to do. I had pushed everyone away by that point.  My own parent’s wanted me to leave Rhett; when I refused, they stopped speaking to me. They didn’t know about the abuse; they just knew I wasn’t myself. Even my relationship with Becky was strained.  I didn’t have anyone to turn to, so I went to Rhett’s mother again. She called me a dirty whore and told me to get out of her house. She thought I was having an affair, and making up some wild story to cover my tracks.

After that first time, Rhett was different. He was happy like I said, he was the man I had married. It lasted for about six months. I was dumb enough to think it would last. I was very careful not to drink and to stay aware, even though things were back to normal, part of me knew. I was so stupid. Derrik came back at; first, he just hung around the house with Rhett after work and on weekends. I told Rhett I didn’t want him in our home, Rhett ignored me.

One evening I came home from shopping. I had left the boys with Rhett for the afternoon. When I got home, he told me his mom had the kids. I knew something wasn’t right; my mother-in-law never looked after my kids. When I saw Derrik walk out of our kitchen, it sunk in, what Rhett had planned.  I never consented, I fought him. Rhett just walked out of the room.” Rachel sobbed. “ I just couldn’t understand how my husband, the man I loved, who I had children with, could be okay with all of it. The next day when I went to pick up the kids, I talked to Rhett’s father. I needed help; I wanted my marriage to work for the boys’ sake. I told him I was going to have to leave if it didn’t stop and he promised me that things would get better. Andrew was always a stern man; I believed him. He talked to Rhett, and it stopped completely, but Rhett was so unhappy and violent.

One night Rhett sat me down and told me he needed me to be with Derrik. He said he could limit to maybe once or twice a year, as messed up as it sounds, Rhett spun it as if it was just sex I… Derek was a very violent man. I imagine it would be what having sex with the devil would be like.  I thought Rhett was nuts, we both were, but I still felt that we could fix our marriage. I was so delusional. The last time Derrik came by I ended up with some of these. I didn’t scream; I didn’t want to wake the boys. I remember thinking, that it could not last forever by Monday, they would both be at work, and I would take the boys and disappear, start a new life.

The day I tried to leave, we got into the car, Tommy was three. I had Evan in his car seat, and as I loaded the car, Tommy vomited everywhere. He came down with a bug. I brought both boys in and cleaned Tommy up, but it was clear that I was going to have to leave the next day. That night, Rhett brought Derrik home with him again, I fought. I screamed, I knew I would wake the boys, but I also knew I couldn’t live through that again. A neighbor heard me screaming and called the police.  I was so beat up that the cop wrote it as domestic assault. He took Rhett to jail. I kept trying to explain that there was another man in the house, but the cop didn’t believe me. Rhett told the police I was crazy and they believed him. They searched the house but didn’t find Derek. The police said I was confused. When he took Rhett, he left Derek hiding in the house. That night I thought I was going to die, I learned Rhett had kept Derek in check.

The next morning Andrew brought Rhett home. He found Derek in the house and put an end to it. I was so out of it; I don’t remember a whole lot of it. I complied because I was terrified for the boys. Andrew had a doctor come to the house for me. Andrew came over a few days later and told me if I stayed with Rhett, that we would never see Derek again. I didn’t believe him this time. I tried to leave twice after that; Andrew found me each time. Rhett didn’t seem to care about our marriage until I disappeared. He didn’t want to be married to me if I wasn’t willing to do what he wanted.

I turned up pregnant with Luke, and Rhett didn’t want him. He thought Luke was Derek’s son. I honestly can’t say.”

Ben was speechless. He pulled her in closer as tears ran down his cheeks.

“I left a month after Luke was born. I went to Becky and told her that Rhett had been hitting me. She and her husband, Jack, me get out. By that time, I made a will and wrote down all of the abuse and put it in a safety deposit box. I wanted Becky to have the boys if something happened to me. Andrew tried to scare me, but at that point, I didn’t scare so easily. I had looked into the eyes of the devil. I knew if Andrew killed me, my boys would be safe away from Rhett. “

Ben held Rachel in bed. Neither of them said anything for a while; the noise of their breathing was the only sound that filled the sunny bedroom. Rachel propped herself up and turned to look at Ben.

“Ben, I  know this is a lot. If you don’t…”

Ben sat up before she finished.

“Do not even finish that sentence. Rachel, I love you, there is nothing that would change that. I think I love you more today than I did yesterday, and I will love you more tomorrow… We can’t change what happened to us in our past, but we choose how our future goes. Look at you, raising your three boys; you are a fantastic mother to them. Rachel, I think you are the strongest woman I have ever met.”

Ben leaned in and kissed her on the lips softly. He pulled away and caressed her cheek. She grabbed his hand and pressed a kiss into his palm.

“Do you remember you once asked me why I became a detective?”

Rachel nodded.

“I didn’t give you the full answer to that question at the time, because it didn’t feel appropriate. My mother is the reason I became a detective. She was attacked one night coming home from the grocery store. I was little, maybe seven. She was alone, and a man grabbed her. My dad couldn’t handle it, and it made him crazy that someone had hurt her. You know, I am sure she hurt, but she never showed it to me or my older brother Joel. You remind me a lot of her. That is why I became a detective, to get guys like Derek and the guy who attacked my mom off of the street.”

“Ben, I don’t know what to say.”

Ben grabbed Rachel’s hand and brought it close to him.

“You remind me a lot of her, your strength, how you are with the boys. I hope that doesn’t sound weird.”

“Not at all. Can I ask a question?”

“Sure.”

“About your mom?”

“Yes.”

“How do you know about it? It isn’t exactly an open topic of conversation for most families.”

“Well, I remember a lot of it, even for being so young. I didn’t know the details until I was much older. My older brother Joel and I went to the library and thumbed through old copies of the newspaper. We found the story. I mean we had always known something bad had happened, but we didn’t know the details. I remember sitting in the old dusty basement of the library looking at pictures of my mother’s swollen face in the paper. I was so angry. I ripped the page out of the newspaper book and took off with it. I didn’t want anyone to see her like that. She was my mom. It took me three years to get the courage to finally ask her about it.”

“How did that go? I dread that conversation with my boys.”

“She was surprisingly open about it. She just said that bad things happen in life sometimes, things we can’t predict or change. It is our job to watch out for each other and the ones we love. When bad things do happen, that we focus on what is important and hold onto that tight. My brothers and I are what she held onto. From that day on, I knew what I wanted to do; I wanted to be a police officer. I wanted to help women like my mother.”

Rachel wiped a tear from Ben’s cheek and then her own.

“I want to hold onto you, Ben.”

She reached over and wrapped her arms around him, and he reached his around her. She leaned into him as he kissed the top of her head.

Filed Under: McKinley Park, Uncategorized

McKinley Park Chapter 19

July 30, 2019 by jackiecthomas 1 Comment

***Warning! This chapter describes sexual violence******

Ben pulled up in front of Rachel’s house.  Marty grabbed Ben’s arm before he got out of the car.

“You have got to calm down, man. You go in there all upset, with Rachel’s past, you’ll scare the hell out of her and mess things up. Just chill.”

Ben knew his partner was right. Rhett was the sort of man who would say something like that to get a rise out of him, but he was also the sort of man who would be forceful with Rachel. He thought back to that morning with Laura and her talk of Rachel having an affair.

“Look if you go knocking on the door after midnight you are going to wake her whole house.”

“I just have to know she is okay. She would never sleep with him willingly.”

Ben walked away from the car. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. The house stayed dark. He knocked again, and waited, still no answer. He had given her a key to his house, but they had meant to get him a key for hers and had not got around to it yet. He walked back off the porch. He picked up a small pebble out of the neighbors’ yard. He threw it at her bedroom window — still nothing.

“Ben, come on, she’s probably asleep,” Marty said.

“I just need to know she’s okay,” Ben said as he went back for another rock.

Marty flipped the lights on top of the car and let the siren loop twice. Rachel’s light turned on. Ben felt a wave of relief that she got up and came to the window. She opened and looked down at Ben standing on the sidewalk in front of the house and Marty hanging out of the car with the door open.

“Ben, what’s wrong? Are you drunk?” She asked, confused at the sight in front of her house.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked.

“What?”

Ben felt like an idiot. Rachel shut the window, and they watched the hall light come on, that could be seen through the front door. The porch light switched on, and Rachel opened the door. She stepped out onto the porch, her robe wrapped around her. Ben walked up to her and pulled her close to him so he could see her more closely.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Yes, I was asleep. What the hell is going on?”

“You two good,” Marty asked.

Rachel looked around Ben and waved.

“We’re good,” Ben said.

“See you in the morning. I’ll come by and get you. I am taking your car home.”

“Okay,” Ben said, still not looking at Marty.

He looked at Rachel’s face over for any signs of injury. He looked deeply into her eyes and knew that Laura had to have had her facts wrong; there was no way Rachel could be capable of the things she had said. Rachel still couldn’t have sex with the lights on, that did not sound like a person capable of wild sex. Marty pulled away, leaving Rachel and Ben on the porch.

“What is going on, Ben? You are scaring me.”

“I ran into Rhett tonight. I thought he had hurt you.”

“Honey, he isn’t supposed to be anywhere near the boys or me. I would have called the police if I had seen him. You are really shaken up. What did he say to you?”

“It doesn’t matter, as long as you are okay. You didn’t see him tonight, did you?”

“Of course not. I took Evan to Karate and went to the grocery store. Come upstairs; you look exhausted.”

“I am. But we had a break in the case tonight; some woman beat the hell out of the guy that keeps attacking all of these women.  We are going to get this monster, his days as a free man are numbered.”

“Ben that is excellent! That is good news. I am glad he got some of what he deserves. Is the woman okay?”

“Yes, she’s tough.”

“I am glad she is okay. Come to bed, honey.”

“I should run home real quick, feed the cat. Oh, shit Marty has my keys, they’re in the ignition.”

“I fed the cat, when I didn’t see your car by ten, I went over and fed him. I hope that is okay? I used the key you made me. Man, you are tired. Come upstairs.”

Rachel ran her hand across Ben’s cheek, feeling the stubble that had grown on his chin and pulled his lips down to hers. Her tongue brushed his lightly. He pulled her in close and held her tightly. He usually didn’t; he did not want to scare her. He had to hold her; it was the only way for him to register that she was okay. She pulled away gently and grabbed him by the hand, leading him into the house an upstairs to bed.

Ben walked in the bedroom and found himself looking for signs that sex had happened there earlier. He hated that Rhett’s words were still reverberating in his head. The mental image of Rhett and Rachel together earlier in the night made his stomach churn. Ben kicked off his shoes and sat on the bed as he emptied his pockets onto the nightstand. Rachel walked out of the bedroom. Ben undressed and locked his gun, in the small gun safe he had bought since he had started staying over. He did not want a repeat of the gun debacle with Luke ever again.

Ben laid down on the bed and rolled into the pillow as he took a deep breath, trying to smell any trace of cologne. He hated himself for it. The sheets smelled like Rachel’s soft citrus scent. He closed his eyes and woke a few minutes later to Rachel gently shaking him awake.

“Hey sleepy, I made you a quick snack. I didn’t know if you would have stopped for dinner tonight. You don’t have to eat it if you are too tired.”

Ben opened his eyes to see a sandwich and a glass of milk on the nightstand. He smiled as he reached out for her to pull her close to the bed. His hand hooked around the back of her legs. He knew she didn’t like to be touched there, but in his half-asleep state, it did not register. Rachel instantly went rigid as she pushed Ben away. Her reaction jogged his conscious; he let go immediately. He sat up. She had not had that strong of a response in a long time to his touch.

“Rachel, I am sorry, I wasn’t awake.”

“It’s okay; I am okay.” She said out loud, but her face showed fear.

Ben stood up, and Rachel took a step back, away from him.

“Honey, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. “

He could see tears welling in her eyes.

“Rachel, please don’t cry. Honey, I’m sorry.”

“I know I’m fine… Just ignore it. Let’s go to bed; it’s late.”

She walked around the bed, deliberately away from Ben’s reach and climbed in still wearing her robe. She leaned up and switched off the lamp on her side of the bed. He wanted to know the story, he was trying to be patient, but he knew there was something that Rachel had not told him. Between sex with the lights off, and the things with her legs, he had never seen her fully naked in the light. He wanted to ask, but he also wanted to be respectful. He climbed into bed and took a bite of the sandwich, to not hurt her feelings. He took three big gulps from the milk, set the glass down, and switched off the light. He knew she was more likely to talk in the dark. He moved closer to her in the bed, but she had laid facing away from him. She did not like to be held from behind. She would lay on her back if they snuggled up together. He put his hand on her arm lightly.

“Honey, please rollover, please talk to me.”

She stayed quiet.

“Rachel, please.”

She rolled over onto her back. Ben reached up and caressed the side of her face; he could feel her cheeks were wet with tears. He leaned in and kissed her softly.

“Honey, I am really sorry.”

“Please stop apologizing. I know you didn’t mean to.”

“Look you don’t owe me any explanations, but there is a reason why you don’t like to be touched there. Can I ask why? Regardless of your answer, I will always respect your wishes. Whatever happened won’t make me love you any less.”

“Ben, I can’t. I’m sorry. I just, I just can’t say it out loud. I’m not ready.”

He knew to back off, he had helped enough victims of sexual assault to know when to back off but he really wanted to know, he loved Rachel.

“I would like to know someday when you are comfortable to tell me why you react that way when I touch you there. When you are ready honey, I will be there to listen, whether it is tomorrow or fifty years from now, on your timetable, not mine.”

He leaned down to kiss her again. She looped her arms around his neck.

“Ben, I love you. You are such a good man. I am sorry I have all of this baggage.”

“I love you too. I am sorry you had to go through whatever it is you went through. I want to spend the rest of my life, loving away your hurts.”

She kissed him again. He laid back on his back, and she rolled over and laid her head on his shoulder. Ben closed his eyes and fell asleep in no time.

“Ben, Ben, are you awake?”

Ben opened his eyes; the room was still dark. He reached over for Rachel and felt her waist. She was propped up on one elbow facing him.

“Hmmm?” Ben said half-awake.

Rachel laid her head on his chest. Ben began to stroke her soft, brown hair as he woke completely.

“What’s wrong honey?” He asked.

“You are right; you deserve to know. I am just not sure if I can talk about all of it.”

“I am willing to listen to whatever you want to tell me.”

She looked up at him.

“I think I can tell you some of it, but I may need a little scotch to get the courage.”

“Okay, do you have any?”

“Yes, downstairs in the cabinet in the dining room next to the wine rack. I’ll go get some.”

“No you wait, I will go.”

Ben got up and crept downstairs. He grabbed the bottle and two rocks glasses next to the bottle. He brought it all back upstairs and switched on the light. They both winced at their eyes, adjusting to the change. Ben poured them each a moderately sized pour and handed Rachel’s to her. Her cheeks were already tear-stained. Ben sat down on the bed softly and leaned back.

Rachel took a deep breath and then a generous sip of the scotch.

“Becky doesn’t know any of this; I don’t want anyone to know. I’ve never said anything because I don’t want the boys to know either. I couldn’t handle them knowing.”

She looked up at him, needing unspoken consent that he wouldn’t share her deepest secret. Ben nodded. She took another large sip. And rested the glass in the palm of her hand.

“A while back you had asked about Rhett and I in the bedroom. He was not..” She stopped and took another sip of the scotch. “He wasn’t always a violent man; he used to be tender and sweet. At first, it started with more adventurous sex, after he got his job working for his first real firm. He said it took the stress level down. I had just had Tommy and the fact that he still found me attractive felt good.” She sipped from the glass again. “Looking back, it was pretty tame stuff, but it felt adventurous to me at the time. I went along with all of it, and it seemed that soon, what was doing it for him, wasn’t anymore. The sex got rougher.  Around that time, I started to suspect that he was on drugs, some sort of pills. He’d get real riled up and aggressive out of nowhere.

I got pregnant with Evan, and I thought things would tone down a bit.” Her voice cracked as a tear rolled down her cheek.

“It got so rough; I wasn’t enjoying it anymore. I told Rhett that we had to tone it down while I was pregnant. He started telling me that if I couldn’t give him what he wanted, he’d go elsewhere. I wanted my marriage to work. He told me how good of a wife I was to him, and how it eased his tensions.”

Rachel wiped her nose with the sleeve of her robe.

“Soon, it didn’t matter if I was a participant willing or not. I was so afraid Evan was going to get hurt while I was carrying him, that I went along. It was less dangerous to fight him off than it was to give in. The first time he hit me was over an argument about sex. I was holding Tommy and pregnant with Evan the first time he hit me. For the next week after that, he was the man I fell in love with. He was amazing. I thought we had turned a corner.”

Tears streamed down her face. Ben scooted closer to her.

“After Evan was born, he didn’t even wait the six weeks I was supposed to wait. I knew then that I wanted out. From there, things spiraled out of control. He brought a friend from work.”

Rachel tipped the last of the scotch back. The tears streamed down her face.

“I was against it; I didn’t want any part of it. He was just supposed to watch Rhett and I. The first night it happened Rhett took me out to a nice dinner. We had a lot to drink, too much. I didn’t know what he had planned. That night when we got home, his friend didn’t want to watch, he wanted to participate, and Rhett was going to watch. All I could think was how is my husband okay with this, I wasn’t… I don’t remember a whole lot of that night; I get bits and pieces that come to the surface but, I can’t put them together. I know I tried to fight, but I didn’t succeed.” She took a deep breath. “That is why I don’t like to be touched from behind in any way. The next day Rhett went out and bought me my van as a gift. He told me I was the world’s best wife. That it was the sexiest thing he had ever seen and how amazing I was as his wife. He told me that it made him love me more, that I would give him that gift. I felt so dirty, so used.”

“Rachel, whoever this man was, he belongs in prison right next to Rhett.”

She shook her head, “Ben, I can’t. I can’t re-live it all again. I know you are right. I have had a lot of therapy to work past all of this. No one knows I have been seeing a therapist for almost six years now. I couldn’t tell Becky; I couldn’t tell anyone. You and my therapist are the only two people on earth who know, other than Rhett and his friend.”

“Rachel, you can’t let them get away with this. Rhett is a violent man, and his friend, is a rapist, they’re both rapists.”

“I know, but I can’t, Ben. I’m not strong enough.”

“You have me; I will be your strength.”

“Ben, please, no.”

“Honey, I am not going to push you. I know it took a lot to tell me tonight. Just think about it okay?”

“Ben, I think about it every day of my life.”

“No, I know you do, I mean think about prosecuting those assholes.”

“I told you because I want to move past it, I want to let you hold me without panicking. I don’t want you to think that I am cold to you or that I don’t love you.”

“I would never think that. Come here.”

Ben pulled her in close to him. They leaned back against the headboard, and Rachel laid her head on his shoulder. Ben wrapped his arm around her and stroked the side of her face with his other hand. She cried quietly as they laid there, watching the sun come up.

“I need to start to get ready and wake the boys.”

“Honey don’t go to work today; you are in no condition to teach today. I will take the day off too; we will spend it together, okay?”

“Routines are important to me.”

“I know they are but, have you slept at all? Emotionally, you are drained.”

“What about the boys?”

“I’ll take them to school this morning. Call in and say you need a personal day?”

“Yes.”

 

Filed Under: McKinley Park Tagged With: McKinley Park

How to Get to Know your Characters

July 26, 2019 by jackiecthomas Leave a Comment

Getting to know your characters should seem like the easiest thing in the world to do for an author, after all, you’ve created them. I have seen a lot of questions asked lately in the Twitter Writing Community about how to get to know your characters. I believe that you can have the best plot in the world that draws readers in, but if the characters are well-rounded and fleshed out the whole work will flop. I want to share my tips on how I do my best to create vibrant characters.

I am not a planner. When I start writing a novel, I don’t have the plot all mapped out. I usually have a loose idea of the climax and I build the story out around it. Next, come the characters. Like the narrative, I usually have a loose idea of who they are. I imagine them, with just the basics and I begin to write. It is during the writing process for me that I begin to hear their voice come through in the writing.

For example, look at Ben and Rachel in McKinley Park. I knew Ben was a police detective and I wanted Rachel to be a single mom. I started with the most basic aspects of who they are. After a few chapters, I can begin to see their voice and this influences more of who they are. When I started McKinley Park, I didn’t know Ben was one of three brothers, like Rachel’s boys. As I wrote their fist date and needed the two connect this idea spoke to me.

It is usually around chapter 3 or 4 that I really begin to get to know my characters. It is at this time that I pause for what I call a character interview. I know this sounds nuts but I swear it changed my writing for the better. I basically interview the character asking questions like:

What is your favorite food?

Where did you grow up?

What was your home life like?

What is your favorite feature about yourself?

(Because I write Romance) Why do you love X?

What do you do for fun?

I ask these sorts of questions of my characters and I walk away knowing them much more intimately. I am able to continue writing on in the project really knowing who my characters are. I know their likes and dislikes, some of their past and a lot more.

In the first book I ever wrote, I dreamed the story first so my imagination had already done the work for me of physical appearance. I find that for me, physical appearance usually comes in later. In McKinley Park, I had a rough idea of what Rachel looked like, slim, busty, with dark brown hair and green eyes, and soft, pink lips. Rhett, her ex, his appearance came to me very early. In the spirit of honest conversation, Ben’s physical appearance was a mystery to me through so much of the book. I kept asking him, what do you look like? No joke, it wasn’t until the last few chapters that I got an idea of what he looks like. Physical appearance is not the easiest for me and it is a common criticism that I hear from my beta readers. I am trying to work on my interview questions to include more of this information so I can get a better idea of what they look like.

I also like to imagine my characters in different situations outside of the plot. I like to imagine what their reaction would be. For example, what would Rhett do if one of his son’s puked in his fancy car? What would his reaction be? I love this exercise, I feel like not only do I get to know the character better but it is like cake for my imagination, yummy and indulgent. I find that I do this best right before I fall asleep. I set the scene and let my character loose as I drift off to sleep. Seriously, try it, it is awesome!

There are lots of ways to get to know your characters. Make the time to do it, your work will be so much stronger for it. Try your best to take yourself out of the equation and let them speak, you might be surprised at what they have to say. I know I have been for sure in the past! I have included a few links below of good resources for getting to know your characters. Take a look. Fellow writers if you have any tips or tricks getting to know your characters please share with the class in the comments.

 

https://www.writinglaraferrari.com/101-character-questions

https://rachelgiesel.com/blog/how-to-really-get-to-know-your-characters-a-questionnaire

https://www.livylynnblog.com/2017/11/03/questions-get-know-character-cheat-sheet/.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Romance, Writing Tagged With: First Book, Inspiration, McKinley Park, Plot, Romance, Writing

McKinley Park Chapter 18

July 23, 2019 by jackiecthomas 1 Comment

“Have a great day honey. Good luck with school today, boys!” Ben said after he kissed Rachel through the open driver’s side window.

Ben and Rachel had spent every available minute they had for the past month together. Ben had really gotten to know the boys, who adored him having around. Ben knew she was the one, and Rachel felt the same about him. They were crazy in love with each other. He waved as Rachel’s van pulled out of her driveway. He watched her car turn around the corner as he started off for his own vehicle.

“Ben, hold on a sec.” Ben turned around to Laura’s voice.

He had not seen much of Laura since he had started dating Rachel. She was usually knocking on his door, waving and flirting each time she saw him, but that had stopped. Laura did a little jog to catch up to Ben more quickly.

“Hi, Laura.” Ben gave a half-hearted wave.

“Hi, hey do you have a second to talk?” She stood with her hands on her hips. “It won’t take long.”

“Um, sure, what’s up?” Ben didn’t really want to talk to her.

“Hey, I know this isn’t my place but,  there’s some stuff you don’t know about Rachel and you really should. I know what this looks like, but you are newer on the street and after that dust-up with her ex a couple of months ago… I just don’t want you to walk into anything blind.”

Ben leant up against his car. As Laura continued.

“She is no victim. She’s just as bad as he is.”

“What do you mean? As bad as who?”

“Her Ex, with their sex parties and stuff. I mean look at the both of them, clean-cut, playing the perfect family. She had an affair, that is why he left her. There was always this other guy hanging around. I think it was his friend. It makes me sick. Look, I am not meaning to out her or anything like that. I just,” she reached out to touch Ben’s arm, he pulled away.

“Laura, I love Rachel very much. I think you have the wrong information. He ex is a monster.”

“No that’s just the thing, he isn’t. He was always nice to everyone on the block.”

“Most guys like that usually are. I have seen the police reports Rhett Lawson is not a good man.”

“Ask her about the other man that used come around when she was still married to Rhett. She was not as good to Rhett as she plays.”

“It wouldn’t matter to me, I love her. I should really get going to work.”

“Look you are a really sweet guy. I would just hate to see you get caught up in something because no one spoke up.”

“I have to go.”

“Okay, I am only trying to help.”

“Bye Laura,” Ben said as he got into his car.

The conversation plagued him the entire way to the station. He knew that Laura had always been sweet on him and maybe that is why she said what she did. Ben sat down at his desk and pulled Rhett’s file out of the drawer and reread it. The records did not read like Rachel was a willing participant. There weren’t any records for calls to the house about noise complaints or complaints of any kind. Ben tried to shrug it off. Laura’s information did not mesh with the story Ben knew.

Ben and Marty commandeered the station’s conference room that afternoon, laying out all of the victims the timeline of the crimes, and the evidence they had found. They both had the feeling that they had missed something, there had to be a piece of evidence that would find the killer, it was not possible to not leave a trace of physical evidence. There was not a single fiber, hair, or fingerprint left behind anywhere. The crime scenes were so clean, they had concerns that it might be the work of a crime scene tech.

By 10 pm. Ben and Marty were beyond exhausted and frustrated. All of the players from the game had solid alibis. They had searched through all of Danwood’s workers, as quietly as they could. Serena had been able to give a part of a description, in that the man was white, and the ring, but other than that, they didn’t have much to go on. Every registered sex offender with a record of violence, within one hundred miles of the city had been checked. Eventually, information about the ring was put out to the press, hoping someone would recognize it. They were able to draw it from Serena’s description and the brand marks on the victims. They had yet to get a hit from the public on the ring.

Marty looked at the pictures of the brand marks hung up on the wall.

“Hey take a look at this? These two brands look like they may be a different size. It is slight but possible.” Marty said

Ben got up and inspected the photos. It looked possible.

“Let’s pay the M.E. a visit,” Ben said.

A dispatch officer knocked on the door and poked her head inside.

“Hey, guys I just got a call that I think you might want. A woman just fought off an attacker who tried to abduct her from her apartment in Lakeview. She said he was dressed in all black.”

Ben and Marty looked at each other as both made for the door.

They pulled up to the woman’s apartment and walked past the officers standing in the hallway. They walked into Calle Carlson’s neighbor’s apartment to find her wrapped in a blanket sitting at the kitchen table. Her mascara had run down her cheeks in black streaks. Visibly upset, she looked up at Ben and Marty who introduced themselves.

“It was him, that perv that has been snatching women. I know it”

“What makes you think it was him?”

“Well, I don’t have men breaking into my apartment every day.”

“I was ready for him though. That fucker wasn’t grabbing me.”

“What do mean ready for him? Can you walk us through what happened tonight?”

“Well, I pay attention, you know. Girls have been showing up dead all over the city since spring. I read the paper, and watch the news. I teach kickboxing at the Northlane Athletic Club. I started taking extra precautions, carrying pepper spray, putting my keys in between my fingers when I walk out on the street, I don’t walk with my earbuds in, that sort of the thing.”

“That’s good. You’re smart. I wish more people paid attention like you did. Can you tell us what happened tonight?”

“I finished my last class at 8:45 and got the El home. It felt weird today like I was being watched. I couldn’t prove it but you know what I mean, just the feeling of being watched. I thought I was going nuts.

Anyway, when I got home tonight, there was an eerie feeling in the apartment, like I wasn’t alone. I know this sounds crazy. I called my best friend Viv, and kept her on the phone while I walked through my place, there was nothing out of the ordinary. I thought I was just paranoid. I hung up and started the shower. I got in and I thought I heard something. The pipes in this apartment are a mess so I keep a pipe wrench in the bathroom.

I slid out of the shower, leaving water running and grabbed the wrench. I hid behind the door. I was just getting ready to get back in thinking I was crazy when I saw him. He was dressed all in black. I spotted him through the crack in the door, he didn’t see me. He has brown eyes and is about as tall as I am. I am 5,9.” He walked in and I watched him standing in front of my shower curtain. I lunged and hit him as hard as I could with the wrench. He stumbled and I froze, so stupid. I told myself to run. I took off and he came after me.

He wrestled me down to the ground and I kicked the shit out of him. I realized I still had the wrench in my hand and I started hitting him with it as hard as I could. I split his glove on his left-hand open and saw a gold ring on his pinky, the kind that would leave a brand like news said. I am telling you guys, this is the guy. I started shouting at him “I see you. I see you!” He scrambled up to his feet and lunged at me again and I moved towards him to hit him again. He turned around and ran out of the apartment. I fought that fucker off! I am telling you this guy has got to be hurt. Aside from getting a beatdown with my pipe wrench, I really did kick the shit out of him. His face has got to be a mess. I scratched him too and pulled as much DNA as I could from that asshole. I ran to my neighbor’s house but he wasn’t home so I came here to the lady that lived next door and she called you guys.”

“Where is the wrench now?” Marty asked.

“Probably still on the floor in my hallway,” Calle said.

“Are you hurt? Do you need medical attention,” Ben asked.

“No, I don’t think so. I’ve been hit worse, it comes with the job. I do want to shower, even though I wasn’t raped he had his hands on my naked body and it just creeps me out. Can you guys get what you need from me so I can shower please?”

Calle had been strong till that point but Ben could see the cracks in her demeanour change.

“Our evidence tech is on her way, we will have her collect evidence from you first. Are you sure you would not rather go get checked out at the hospital? You look like you could be hurt?”

“Did you hit your head at any point?” Janis Thorton the evidence tech asked as she walked in.

“I’m not sure, it happened fast.”

“Hi, I am Janis, I am the evidence tech. You should probably have a doctor look at you to be safe.”

“Okay, if you think it is necessary.”

“Better safe than sorry,” Ben said.

“I don’t want an ambulance and all of that fuss. Can we just go in a cab?”

“I can drive you,” Ben said.

“Would you mind if I came with you Calle,” Janis asked. “Our team is combing over your apartment right now. I would like to collect the physical evidence rather than have the hospital do it.”

“Okay.”

Janis showed Calle to Ben’s unmarked car as Ben stopped into the apartment quickly to let Marty know where he was going. There was blood on the hardwood floor in the hallway.

“We have hair!” a tech shouted out. “It’s blonde.”

“Any chance it could be someone else, other than our guy’s?” Marty asked.

“I doubt it. We’ll run it, I’d put money on this being the guy though.”

Ben dropped Calle at her friend Viv’s house after the hospital. He had a squad car parked outside of the friend’s apartment for her piece of mind, and his. Ben wasn’t sure if the man would come back and finished what he had started, he doubted it but who knew what the monster was capable of. Marty was still at the scene, but they were wrapping up too. There was a ton of physical evidence around the apartment, fingerprints, hair and blood. There was also a partial bloody boot print. Calle had given a description of the man that sounded very similar to Serena’s account.

Ben called Marty on the way back to the station. He wanted to take down a few notes while they were fresh in his head. Ben typed up his notes and went back into the conference room to look at the evidence they had laid out. The killer didn’t have a type of woman he preferred, they were all races, all young,  and all pretty. That was the only thing they had in common, was they were upper-middle-class and lived in or around the city. Ben thought it was interesting that Calle had said she felt like she had been watched. Ashley, from Skokie, had actually been watched. Stephen Duke had planted the camera. He’s pay Serena a visit first thing tomorrow morning.

Ben sat in one of the chairs around the table and looked at the wall of evidence. Marty walked in looking just as tired as Ben felt.

“Anything new?”

“A lot of DNA. He had to have been in the apartment for a while. You said you questioned her about a boyfriend?”

“She said she hasn’t had a man in the place in a couple of months, not even the super.”

“I know it’s a long shot but my gut says it’s him,” Marty said

“Yesh, it sounds like our guy.” Ben agreed.

Ben rubbed his forehead.

“What?” Marty asked knowing Ben was thinking about something.

“You know who else is blonde and wasn’t seen at his usual haunts tonight? I made some phone calls when I got back here. His car was spotted on by a red light camera crossing Lincoln and Halstead.”

“Rhett Lawson? That’s four blocks from Callie’s!”

“What do you say we go say hello, see what his face is looking like tonight?”

“Why don’t I just go? It’s not great for you to be knocking on his door at almost midnight with everything going on with Rachel and all.”

“You’re right, but I am going. If it is him, I want to be the one to put the cuffs on that fucker.”

Marty looked at the wall of evidence as he thought it over.

“Alright, let’s go.”

Ben and Marty pulled up to Rhett’s Lincoln Park townhouse just after midnight. Ben was happy to knock on his door. He wanted Rhett to be the killer so badly. He pounded loudly.

“Hey man, maybe I should do the talking.” Marty chimed in.

“Hopefully his face will do the talking.”

Ben pounded again, as the entryway light turned on.

Rhett opened the door in athletic shorts and a t-shirt. The only thing on his face was a layer of stubble.

“What the hell? It is after midnight? What the hell do you want?”

“Sorry to disturb you Mr. Lawson.”

Before Marty could continue Rhett recognized Ben.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me! I know who the fuck you are. This is police harassment. I am calling my lawyer.”

“Mr. Lawson..” Marty started again.

“Fuck off pigs!” Rhett said as he started to shut the door.

“Where were you tonight Rhett?” Ben asked.

“Fucking Rachel, where were you? She begged me for every minute of it too.”

Marty moved in between the two men before Rhett slammed the door. Ben walked briskly to the car as Marty followed.  Ben slid into the driver’s seat as Marty got in. He drove away calmly until he pulled onto Lake Shore Drive. Once they got onto the Drive, Ben hit the sirens and lights, as he put his foot down hard.

“He was fucking with you man. Rachel would never sleep with him.”

“Not of her own will.” Ben gritted out through his teeth.

Filed Under: McKinley Park Tagged With: McKinley Park

When a Writer Can’t Write It is Painful!

July 20, 2019 by jackiecthomas Leave a Comment

McKinely Park is written, and I am at the end of my last edit for The Lake Michigan Affair. I am in the weird part of writing where I am not actively working on a new project. I have hit this awkward space before, the space between projects when you aren’t writing. I am also on the home-stretch of my Master’s degree in PR. Ths particular sememster is covering descriptive statistics, and it is making me crazy. I knew that I would need all of my attention focused on this semester, and I was so right! I am getting buried this semester.

I chose to be in this strange space, not writing, but let me tell you, it is uncomfortable. I just knew I wouldn’t have the bandwidth to work my full-time job and start a new project. I feel the urge to write down in my bones. I want to be dug into a project, getting to know my characters and working through the plot. Early next month I will undergo substantial surgery. I have been told to expect a long recovery. Knowing this, I am also hesitant to start a project knowing that not feeling well enough to write will not be good for my recovery and mental health. These aren’t excuses, I am just trying to be realistic about my time and abilities.

So what is a girl to do? Writers have to write. In the meantime, I am trying to fill this void by reading romance. It is the genre that I write in so I try to read a lot of it. While I am enjoying th book I am currently reading, Fat Tuesday by Sandra Brown, it is not writing. It is the strangest thing to describe, but it feels physically uncomfortable to not be working on a new project. I feel like something is missing from my life right now, and I don’t like the feeling.

I consider myself very lucky that as far as inspiration goes, I have never had to struggle to find the next thing to work on. I have a few ideas written down and I have been trying to mull them over and really develop them right now as a consolation prize. I am used to getting to know my characters by forcing them through the plot. They are born out of strife, and like a diamond produced under pressure, I’d like to think my characters are born the same way, although not as perfect as a diamond for sure. I live for this struggle, getting to know who my characters are. I love writing a chapter and then staying awake all night in a half-sleep knowing I am going to have to rewrite because I have forced my will as the author, not listened to the character.

Not writing has been weighing heavy on my mind. I keep wondering to myself about atrophy. If writing is described as a muscle, then what happens when you aren’t writing? I know I have improved considerably from the first novel I wrote. As my writing has matured, so has the process in which I write. Right now as I type this, I know I am at least a month out from being able to start my next project, and that fills me with despair. I want to write! I need to write!

In the meantime, I will continue to read, and really throw myself into my grad school course. Coming to this realization I will try to read instead, I put a call out to the Writing Community on Twitter for recommendations good romance reads. I was thrilled to see that my feed was filled with all sorts of romance novels. I am looking forward to digging into them while I recoup, but no matter how amazing these works are, it is not writing.

What do you do when you are a writer who can’t write? This is so frustrating. Fellow readers have you ever went through something like this? What did you do to get through it?

Filed Under: Self Care, Writing Tagged With: Inspiration, McKinley Park, Plot, Writing

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Jackie’s Newsletter

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Recent Blog Posts

  • Goodbye 2023!
  • The Lake Michigan Affair is Now Available!
  • The Lake Michigan Affair Ten Day Countdown: Fact #10- Where Can I Buy The Book?
  • The Lake Michigan Affair Ten Day Countdown: Fact #9- Bishop Sebastian Cole’s Parts Were Added in a Later Revision.
  • The Lake Michigan Affair Ten Day Countdown: Fact #8- This is The First Paragraph of The Lake Michigan Affair
  • The Lake Michigan Affair Ten Day Countdown: Fact #6- There’s a Pandora Playlist for The Lake Michigan Affair
  • The Lake Michigan Affair Ten Day Countdown: Fact #6- Easter Day Takes Place in the Lake Michigan Affair
  • The Lake Michigan Affair Ten Day Countdown: Fact #5- I Wrote The Lake Michigan Affair as a Practicing Catholic
  • The Lake Michigan Affair Ten Day Countdown: Fact #4- There’s a Pinterest Board for this story.
  • The Lake Michigan Affair Ten Day Countdown: Fact #3- The Italian-American Culture is a Big Part of This Story

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What’s Jackie’s Reading Right Now

  • The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren

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