Self Care

Goodbye 2023!

December 31, 2023 by jackiecthomas 1 Comment

Today is the last day of 2023. A couple of years back I learned of a lovely Scottish tradition at the new year where you clean your house the day before the holiday so that you don’t bring last year’s baggage into the next year. So, for the past couple of years, I’ve taken part in this tradition, deep cleaning my house to get ready for the new year. Last year, I cleaned my dream house in LA, this year, I am back in Chicago.

2023 was one hell of a year, and for as amazing as it was, it was in equal measure horrific.

The last time I posted on the blog, was the day The Lake Michigan Affair debuted. It should have been one of the best days of my life. I worked so hard on that book, and shopped it around to agents for a long time before I decided to self-publish it. On the day that The Lake Michigan Affair debuted, I was laid off from my job in LA. The job that I had relocated my entire family, and life to LA for, less than one year after starting. It was cold, cruel and heartless dressed in fake kindness as layoffs often are. Suddenly, the years of hard work put into the book didn’t matter, my life literally fell apart that afternoon. Granted, no one died, but a piece of me certainly did. I walked through that afternoon with a mix of panic, nausea, and numbness. Anger would come later.

So, you’re probably asking yourself, what does this all have to do with your writing Jackie. I realized something this afternoon as I was mopping my floors in anticipation for the New Year, while I wrote just about every day while I lived in LA, and self-published a book, my attention to my biggest goal in life, being a published author, was swayed by the lure of living in LA. This thought hit me hard.

I Loved Living in LA. (This is what happiness looks like.)

I recognized that while, yes, I can have two goals or more and actively work on them at the same time, one will always be primary, the rest are secondary. I lost focus.

Living in LA had been a lifelong goal for me, one that I’d had since I was a child. When we bought our house here in Chicago, with two small children at the time, I never thought I’d have the opportunity to live in LA. We were settled. But when the opportunity came, I jumped at it. I knew that I would not get a second chance at accomplishing that goal. I was living a dream in LA and I’d done it despite the odds of being settled in Chicago. Yet the entire time we were there for as much as I loved it, I could not help but feel that we were hanging on to the lives we were making there by a thread. It turns out, I was right, I just didn’t expect to find that out in under a year’s time.

I am sitting in my house back in Chicago, where I now live full-time again. With the loss of the job, the loss of my income, and the loss of the life I’d worked so hard to build, we were left with no other choice but to come back to Chicago. Over July 4^th weekend my husband and I, our two kids, two cats and two dogs moved back across the country. The whole drive felt like some surreal nightmare that I couldn’t wake from.

On our second day driving as we pulled into our hotel for the night in middle of No-Where’s-Ville Nebraska, with the harsh realization that I would not see the mountains that fed my soul daily for a very long time, I saw a hitchhiker. It was almost nine pm and the sun was setting on the western horizon, with the most luxurious golden light over green grassland. The clouds in the sky were purple and orange, and here was this man walking. I can’t tell you why, but there was something about him that I could feel in my soul. Then there it was a spark of an idea for a book. That night I fell asleep thinking about the man, and when I thought I’d break down and cry driving the next day, I’d think of the book idea for this man that I’d saw the night before.

We’ve been home for almost six months now, and the spark of an idea for a book inspired by this hitchhiker has stuck with me. While the writing has been pathetically slow, I’m working on this idea.

At the Ribbon Cutting for My New Business

I’ve also started my own business, a PR firm, gotten involved in my local community and adjusted to life back in Chicago. 2023 was a whirlwind, and I still can’t decide if the good out weighted the bad. What I’ve learned this year is that life will pull you in different directions and it can be next to impossible to stay focused on what matters. In 2024 it is time to refocus my efforts. It’s time to be leaner, meaner and take no prisoners for accomplishing the goals I’ve set for myself. With that, I wish you all a Happy New Year and I look forward to putting in the work for what 2024 will surely bring.

Querying, Job Hunting and Homemaking

March 10, 2021 by jackiecthomas Leave a Comment

I think I broke a record yesterday, four query rejections in one day! That’s gotta be some sort of record, right? The day before I set a record with three rejections and I thought that was something, but you know what? I’m not upset about it. I am honestly grateful. The speed in which queries are coming back is fast, and that is awesome! At least this way I know it is a “no thank you” and I can move on. After almost two years of querying different projects, I can honestly say I’ve developed some pretty thick skin at this point. I think one has to develop thick skin to do this, I mean this is only the query point. What happens when you make it all the way to publishing and the public doesn’t like the book? Thick skin is a must.

In the past week I’ve also done #PitMad- Twitter’s pitching competition where you pitch to agents via Twitter. I love #PitMad! I do it every time and will continue for the foreseeable future, until I land an agent. This past competition was a strange one though. It felt much bigger than in competitions past. I’ve always found moderate success when pitching, usually snagging a few “likes” from agents who I later pitch to. This time I got none. I’m not sore about it, I just found it odd. I talked to a few fellow authors who also thought that this past competition was a bit odd in feeling and activity. I also noticed for the first time ever that I kept getting “likes” from bogus accounts on my pitches. While this might not seem like a big deal to the average person, to authors who are glued to Twitter on PitMad, each like can be a potential agent. So when I saw a like, I was all excited in thinking it was an agent….. oh well! Fellow authors also encountered this phenomena this time around as well.

As a real glutton for punishment, I’ve also leaned into job hunting too. It feels like the right time to pick up the remnants of my career in marketing and PR. Job hunting has been a wild ride this go around, more so than querying! I was just telling my husband that my next book should be about my experience job hunting, entitled: A Year in Interviews: The Good, Bad, and Ugly. There really have been some ugly interviews, where I’ve walked away gobsmacked- and I am in PR! Obviously I won’t dish because I don’t want to shame, but man guy’s its been wild. It feels like working through Covid had stripped away a layer of professionalism that was always there.

I am also much more cautious when job hunting this time. I don’t just want any job, I want the right job. In one of my more recent professional experiences I encountered some pretty harsh gaslighting by a superior. I didn’t know what it was at the time, I’d been very lucky to that point and had always been well respected in all of my previous roles. That experience left me wiser in so many ways. So my strategy this time is to apply to companies that have a good track record with their current and former employees.

While I’ve been moving forward with querying directly to agents, and continuing to look for work, I will say my daily writing is not as productive as it could be. Right now, I am giving myself a pass, and really practicing self-care. If I need to step away for a bit, that is okay. I am reading a lot right now. I just got the new Christine Feehan book over the weekend, Lightning Game. I am reading it slowly, trying to devour and savor each word. Reviews for this book said it was one of her best thus far. I’ve read the whole series and I have not been a big fan of some of the books in the series, but I am hopefully for this newest one. I am sure I’ll write a review of it when finished.

I’ve also dove into other projects away from my computer. Over the course of the pandemic I improved on my quilting skills. I made a pandemic quilt, I call it, with over 300 tiny squares! The project took forever but I loved doing it. So, I finally took the plunge and set up a sewing spot for myself in my basement. I am so excited to dig in and work there. I also learned over the lockdown last spring, that sewing is great for writer’s block! It was fun to create a space of my own and I can’t wait to get to work down there on a new project.

All in all, that has pretty much been my week. To some it may look like a rough one, but I choose to look at the positives. I know that this is a time of growth and recovery and I embrace the journey, even if my natural impatience doesn’t appreciate it.

A Romance Writer’s Guide To Creating the Perfect Romantic Evening (Home Edition)

October 15, 2020 by jackiecthomas Leave a Comment

Yesterday my husband and I celebrated our fourteenth wedding anniversary. Each year we mark the day by doing something special. Sometimes we do something big but most years it’s just a dinner out. This year we had originally planned to have a big present to each other- we were going to drive from L.A. to San Francisco along the Pacific Coast Highway. We planned the trip in early 2020 thinking Covid would most likely be over– Ha! As summer turned to fall it became very clear that travel would not be happening. So we thought we’d maybe go away for a weekend locally, my sister offered to generously lend her condo to us. We watched as the Covid numbers rose drastically over the past two weeks in our part of the country. Our anniversary would be celebrated at home.

My poor husband who loves to travel, is having a difficult time not being able to see the world right now. On top of it all, yesterday Chicago announced that people from Indiana are not allowed into the city right now. We are within the Chicagoland area but live across the border in Indiana. While this might not seem like a big deal, we do a lot of the cultural activities that the city has to offer, along with shopping and dining. All of this being said, I realized we would have an anniversary unlike any other. I was going to have to put my romance writer’s brain into overdrive to make a special romantic day. That being said, where most people I know are emotionally exhausted from staying at home and our new way of life.

So here is a romance writer’s guide to the perfect romantic evening…

Start with the menu!

This is the one element that may take some pre-planning so start here. Think about what your mate likes to eat and go from there. As it was my wedding anniversary we recreated the dinner that we ate at our wedding. Here is our menu for our romantic evening:

Starter:

Cheese Board & Cocktails

Main:

Filet of Beef

Sides:

Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Steamed Spring Peas

Sauteed Mushroom

To Drink: Best quality Red Wine

Dessert:

Chocolate Cake (My husband’s favorite)

Perfectly grilled steaks on our wedding china.

Now, Set the Mood!

Candles are your friend. I went through my house to the rooms I knew our romantic evening would take place in, setting candles ahead of time, and a lighter in each room. This gave an intimate glow and keep the lighting dim and cozy.

Don’t forget your music! You can’t have a romantic evening without it. I am such a huge fan of Frank Sinatra and music in his genre so this was the soundtrack to most of our evening. We finished our evening with Nora Jones, as one of her songs was our wedding song. We danced after our dinner in our kitchen amongst the candle light- believe me this was incredibly romantic.

The Little Touches:

So I’m not evening going to begin to say when the last time I was dressed up was. I used to wear heels, and make-up almost everyday in my pre-covid life. But with furloughs, and job losses my daily uniform is most commonly a pair of leggings and sweatshirt. Make-up- ha! I haven’t done a full face of make-up in months.

So prior to our evening starting, I made myself a martini, put on some Frank and put in some extra effort for our night. A full face of make-up, a dress, complete with heels. I even put on my wedding pearls. I had fun putting myself together, and I found that it actually gave me butterflies. I was excited for our at home date.

When I came downstairs, my husband was nibbling at the cheese board and his jaw fell. I didn’t tell him I had planned to do anything special. I walked around the room and lit the candles and turned on the music. The effect was immediate. My husband who is a t-shirt and jeans kinda guy excused himself and returned equally dressed for the occasion- it was a nice surprise.

The Sweetest Anniversary Card from our kids.

But what about the kids?

We have two school aged children at home with us. So you must be wondering how that worked? I explained to them what a wedding anniversary was and I showed them wedding pictures. They got it… sort of. I’m all about keeping it real so I’ll show my hand. There was a bribery as well. I fed our children dinner early and told them each they could watch their iPads until 9:30 pm. They were thrilled. There was also the promise of cake. I told each of them if they stayed in their rooms for the evening they’d be rewarded with a slice of cake when the hubs and I had some. Deal done! For the most part they did really well too. We were even presented with a card while we had our cocktail hour, and the kids finished up their dinner, in a separate room.

Keep your Partner in Mind:

My husband and I have been together for a while an now and I know what he likes and doesn’t. I am confident in saying he knows my likes and dislikes as well. When you’re trying to plan a romantic evening, keep you partner in mind. Pro tip: the more you try to make the evening special for your partner- the more special it will be for you in return.

Upon reflection, I can honestly say yesterday was one of the best anniversaries we’ve had so far. Sure, it wasn’t on the beach of the Pacific Ocean, but boy it was something really special. I am so grateful for a spouse who was as committed to making our night special. I realized this morning, that while we may be stuck at home for the foreseeable future, it doesn’t have to be boring. I think we’ll do an at home date night more often. Sure, we may not pull out all of the stops but just enjoying each other is special.

Being a Full-Time-ish Writer One Month On

October 1, 2020 by jackiecthomas Leave a Comment

Hello all. Boy time flies when you’re having fun, doesn’t it? A little over a month ago I stepped away from my job in the corporate world to devote my time writing full time AND to assist my kids with their elearning. As the school year for my grade school aged children began, it was apparent that something was going to give, and I made the choice to step away. That being said, I recognized that there was an opportunity to fully lean into putting my efforts towards writing full time. My husband who is also an author, fully supported and encouraged this course of action.

So one month in, I have a lot to show for this past month. I self-published my first book! This was a huge deal for me. It’s the first time I’ve ever done this and boy is there a learning curve here. I was lucky enough to know how to use Adobe to layout my print edition, and cover design. I also had to learn Amazon’s KDP for the ebook. Page numbers, author accounts, and royalty structures, there was and still is so much to learn. BUT… It’s been fun so far. I am grateful to have had the time to dedicate towards, instead of having to sneak it in after work or on lunch breaks.

I’ve also continued to query for another completed novel that I wrote a few years back. My dream is still to go the traditional publishing route. I sent out my first round of queries in early September, and I am surprised to say I’ve heard back from most agents, granted it was a pass, but that’s okay. I will say the more I query, the thicker my skin gets, and that is a good thing. I queried last year for a different novel, and almost hit the 100 query letters sent mark. So querying continues and I’ll keep you all updated on any developments. I just keep reminding myself it only takes one yes, to change your life. Keep going!

All of this being said, while all of these endeavors are relevant to writing, they’re not actually writing. So I am happy to report that I’ve started writing a new project. I’m about 20K words in, and while it’s still a romance, it’s different than anything I’ve ever written before. Set about a hundred years in the future, in a new America, how will Willow find safety and love? So far the writing is going very well. That is in part to my husband who has shoved my computer, headphones, and coffee at me each morning to write in the seclusion of my bedroom while he readies our children for their day of elearning. When the school bell rings, I stop writing and am plugged into their needs.

I’ve been lucky enough to be able to write here and there during the day, between math lessons, and snacks, but overall it’s not a productive time for writing. So I’ve learned to use this time for other writing endeavors, such as marketing Quarantine Stories, learn KDP, or read. I’m reading an excellent book right now, Conjure Women by Afia Atakora. This story is so enveloping that it completely sweeps me away. I try to sneak in a chapter here and there, but I find that when I pick this book up, I am unable to put it down.

In addition to all of these things, I am also settling in at home, which historically has always been the death nail for being able to be home full time for me. I have found that clearing closets, gardening and learning how to quilt have been great cures for writer’s block. I am enjoying this time to be home with my family, and being able to be truly “plugged-in” to family life. When I think back to this time last year, working full time, finishing grad school and still writing, I wonder how I managed, but somehow I did. This thought spurs me on to continue writing, and pushing myself. If I could do it then when life was busier, I can surely do it now, and do it better.

My Quarantine Story

May 6, 2020 by jackiecthomas Leave a Comment

This time is bittersweet. I know that sounds like a crazy thing to say in the middle of a global pandemic where Covid-19 has claimed over 80K lives. I also know my struggle is not unique; more than 30 million American’s are currently unemployed in some fashion. I am one of those thirty million right now, but I was furloughed. I had very little warning, but I don’t want to get into that or the issues that a sudden loss of income brings.

I have always thought of myself as a “doer.” I am one of those people in life that you meet that leaps, does the hard things, and takes on challenges. It is who I am and who I hope to always be. Right now, I, like many American’s, find myself lost. Furloughed for what I consider an extended period to time, I am a strange place. When my husband and I first met, my dream was to be a stay at home, mom, and I was for several years. I loved staying home until I didn’t. I graduated from college at the beginning of the Great Recession. I sat in job interviews, where the next candidate had thirty years’ experience on me. As a result, I delayed my career and started a family.

When I entered the workforce, I started my own small business, and I found moderate success at it. I put in the hard work and balanced family life and work-life for the first time. Two years later, an amazing opportunity came along, and I jumped at the chance. I loved my time in that position and grew it from a part-time role to a full-time role. I once again found myself stretched as a working mother but loved every minute of it. It was during that time that I decided to go back to school and earn my Master’s degree in Public Relations. I found myself working full time, being a mother & wife, plus a graduate student. Life was crazy!

Over time I moved on in my career, advancing with each step. This past March, I took a new job and a new step in my career. I felt like I had finally made it to a goal that I had set for myself years ago. It felt good, no, it felt amazing. My family and friends were so proud of me. Then a global pandemic happened, and it feels like it all came crashing down. As if each career step was building block or foundation for a building, in one swoop, the building was razed to the ground.

At the same time, my Master’s program came to an end, and I graduated. Like millions of other Americans, going through similar life passages, there won’t be a ceremony to mark the occasion, or a party, the moment will slip by. The routine of school, weekly assignments, prepping for the midterm, and final papers are also done now. No matter the job, or my location in the world over the past two years, my schedule has revolved around school. Even though serious health issues late last summer, school still got done.

As I write this essay, my son is mowing the lawn, and I am sitting on the back porch watching him. This is a big day for him, he’s dreamt of buying his own lawnmower to mow to earn money for a computer of his own. I spent much of the day cleaning my house, the way I used to before I worked. Cleaning the nooks and crannies that I only notice, but I noticed when our cleaning lady didn’t. As I went through my house, so thankful that my husband is gainfully employed, and our home is safe for now, I kept reminding myself that this time is a gift. It is bittersweet to be here to see my son mow the lawn for the first time. Yet, at the same time, I am filled with sadness.
A few years back, I decided I wanted to learn how to sail. I signed myself up and set out on Lake Michigan (with my class) in a dingy, trying to will the elements to move the boat where I wanted. Sailing was a good life lesson. I am not stronger than the wind, and certainly not stronger than Lake Michigan, but that wasn’t really the lesson. I learned that there are forces in life you cannot control, bend, or solve; you just have to learn how to work with the elements to get to where you want to go.

I recognize that I write this post from a place of privilege; my husband is still gainfully employed with a fantastic company that treats him really well. There is food in my cupboards, and my lights are on. My children love having me home, to be “mom,” playing games, making sure they brush their teeth, and cleaning their rooms. My family has also been blessed thus far that Covd-19 had not claimed anyone dear to us. I do recognize that I do have it better than most, but that still doesn’t make it easy.

My furlough is several months long and comes without an income. I would love to be able to wait to return to my job, but I am not sure if I can economically, as the furlough came without a paycheck. I’ve filed for unemployment for the first time in my life, and I’m grateful it’s there. I grew up exceptionally poor, and food stamps and government aid were commonplace in my house. Nights when the lights got turned off for lack of payment, were “campfire,” nights as my mom would call them, where we’d eat by candlelight in our kitchen. When I was very young, this was fun, but as I got older, I saw the situation for what it was. To file for benefits as a healthy, able adult came with its own set of demons, as I am one of a million claims. I look at the life my husband and I have worked for, scrimped, struggled towards, and recognize how fragile it is.

So, I throw myself into writing, but I am finding that difficult right now. I am currently seeking other employment because as much as I would love to wait, I can’t be without an income for months. I keep trying to remind myself to make the most of this time; it is bittersweet. I have time with my kids; they’ll only be this little for such a short time. I have also tried to throw myself into crafting, by sewing masks for those in need. I’ve picked knitting back up, something I excel at, and am trying my best to read as much as I can. Last weekend I allowed myself to sit in front of the television all day in my pajamas, something I don’t normally do unless I’m ill. This time feels like being in that dingy again out on Lake Michigan, watching the waves and the tails on the sail, searching for the breeze to propel me forward, while slowly drifting off course.

I know the world will recover from this, physically, but I think the emotional recovery will take much, much longer. I share my story to say that it is okay to not be okay right now. It is okay, and it is “normal” that everything should feel a bit odd. I want my productive life back, my career back, as so many Americans do. In the meantime, I just try to remind myself that this time is a gift, play with my kids, stay up late reading that last chapter in the book, or take a bubble bath in the middle of the day. It is okay to do that and not be okay; it is okay to not be okay. I keep telling myself. Be kind to yourself, and each other right now,

New Year, Better Me

February 4, 2020 by jackiecthomas Leave a Comment

Whew, the holidays are finally behind us and I don’t know about you, but I am glad that they are over. Don’t get me wrong, it was a great season filled with family, friends and indulgence, but I am grateful for life to return to “normal.” Between my last post and now, my husband travelled for work for ten days, big things happened at work, I got sick, the hubs got sick, my daughter got sick, we had Christmas, New Years and then my last semester of grad school started, and I found pilates. Whew, I’m exhausted just typing that all out, but the best part is I started a new book in the midst of all of that! Yes, you read that correctly, I started a new book.

The idea came about after I started NaNoWriMo this past year. I dove headfirst into a story that, three chapters in.. I hated. I was stuck. Normally I’d force myself to push thought but even I didn’t like my characters, and I created them. I knew it was time to abandon ship. Then when it looked like all hope of a book was lost, the new idea floated by and I lept. While the new book is still a romance, this project is different from anything I have written before. One character does not rescue the other, or fall more in love and chase the other, the characters in this project rescue each other, and I love that! It is much more difficult to write for sure, and I hope it will be worth it.

Normally, I write fast, when an idea is smouldering away- like I can write 60K words in eight or nine days! My average time to write a novel is about three weeks, and that is taking into account my fulltime job and finishing up my Master’s degree, not to mention being a wife and a mother. This book, I have been writing since late November. Yes, you read that correctly, late November. It is not that the book is massive or some giant epic, it’s that life has been busy. It is also why there’s been such a pause in between blog posts. I’ve written when I’ve either had that time or made the time. I haven’t pushed so hard, and I am seeing the benefit of not, I think of it like giving the story the time to breathe. I have given myself days to thing about plot and character, and really take the time to build a richer context.

I am just around what I think will be the half-way point in it and I really love the characters. They’re real and raw and looking for an anchor in the storms of their lives. I have also found a great album that I have been writing this book to. It is the album entitled Delta by Mumford and Sons. I like their music, but I would not consider myself a massive fan. I heard the song Woman on the album and I was swept away by the emotion of it while I wrote. I knew this was the song that embodied my characters. If I am ever lucky enough to be published, aside from my amazing support network, I want to dedicate the book to the band that sung me through.. through writer’s block, heartbreak, happiness, plot holes and ultimately a beautiful love story.

I am really enjoying writing again. I have made healthier choices in the new year as well. I took up a pilates reformer class, which left me wondering where this magic has been all of my life. I find it to be an amazing workout, but more importantly, it is time set aside for myself where I cannot concentrate on anything else other than my body in that moment which is a treat in this day and age. I also completed dry January, where one does not drink alcohol for the entire month of January. This too was a great experience, and as we roll into February, I am happy to keep this up. I find more mental clarity and just feel better. I am also paying more attention to what I am eating, making sure I am eating lots of fruits and veggies, and sweets in moderation. I am feeling better than I have in a long time, and it has been rewarding creatively too, over the past two weeks. I have had two book ideas in the past two weeks. Both warrant loosely planning out.

The new year is out to a good start so far, fingers crossed that it only improves from here.

Goodbye 2023!

Querying, Job Hunting and Homemaking

A Romance Writer’s Guide To Creating the Perfect Romantic Evening (Home Edition)